Sir Michael sets an example...
I think IŽd been noticing it for some time as a slowly changing fashion, but it was on the first night of the Proms that I became consciously aware of it.That Grand Old Man of British music, Sir Michael Tippett, at the end of a glorious playing and singing of one of his works, came in sprightly form onto the platform and kissed everyone with great joy. The singers. The conductor. The leader of the orchestra , everyone who had pleased him by making such a superb job of giving us his music. Nothing odd ahout that, you might think. Except he did something that even a few years ago would have led lo raised eyebrows and silly sniggers. He kissed the men as enthusiastically as he kissed the women.
Now, I have long been of the opinion that the greatest problem faced by the Great British Male is his horror of his own emotions, a horror that sometimes spills over to become a horror of his own body. To be seen as a man, to suffer pain, to need to weep, to want to be affectionate, to desire to shyare the comfort of touch, has long been regarded as downright, dangerous in this country.
The man who did as Sir Michael Tippett, did - and which many more of todays sensible men are doing - and threw his arms around another man in gratitude appreciation and affection was jeered at, at best, shunned as sexually dubious at worst.
The only time a man - a real man according to the old beliefs ever had such close connection was in bed (in the dark with a woman when yet, again, tenderness was Not On. Just a direct, approach, a wham bam, thank you maŽam, technique. That was what Real Men were al about (Yes, l know some men got very physical in rugby scrums and boxing rings, but that was all right because it was about a 'nice clean violence...
The result has been, of course an ever deepening rift between the sexes. Women who, because of their child-caring role, are much less unwilling to show their emotions, and who are given permission by society at large to weep when they want, kiss when they want and generally behave as humans are designed to do, learned oover the years to turn away from men if what they needed was simple uncluttered human closeness without sex.
They got it from their babies and their children, of course, but also from each other. Women cheerfully walk together arm in arm, and find it agreeable to do so, when did you last see two men do that? Middle Eastern men do - they hold hands as well - but British? Perish the thought!
So lets start a campaign by both women and men who have alresdy learned to relax and hug and kiss each other, to bring Tippetting into general use among men everywhere. Or we might, call it Woganning or Newleying, becouse Terry and Tony of those ilks greeted each other as old friends with kisses on the former's TV show one evening recently. I firmly that once we can persuade all British men to behave in this relaxed and easy way, we will all be a lot happier.
I'm not, saying we'll get rid of violence and aggression as some of the more radical feminists suggest. I think violence lies too deeply in all of us,women as well as men. IŽm just saying weŽd all be a bit happier.
Clare Rayner: Western Morning News, 5 August, 1987